Tuesday, June 18, 2013

White Noise (for Paul, 11/2003)

What do you do
when you’re cold
and alone you
turn on the wall heater
pull up gray velour sweats
and a pink tank top covered
with an old pink sweatshirt
and coat your icy feet with
fleece socks. You
cover yourself
and the chair where you sit
with a down comforter from
your bed. You drape a lambswool
shawl your mother made for herself
across your shoulders and
wrap your lonely hands
in the triangle ends. You
rent a couple of DVD movies
watch them on your laptop
tin sound on extra loud.

You drink hot ginger
tea and when the clock strikes
you shiver to your bed
blow out the faint glow
of your candles. You huddle
in flannel sheets and wrap your
little human body with
cotton and feathers. You smell
chlorine in your hair and
remember the salt on his lips
the heat he held you in
the hard muscle hold offering
the surrender you could not take.

You curl your knees, tight and soft,
into your belly and cross your
fleece coated ankles under your
bent thighs. You wrap your hands
between pillows. You breathe in
fresh air underneath your
blankets. You surrender to
the shuddering. Your
tears dry and you
start again drawing heat
from your core into
your limbs. You remember
the poetry CD playing
that very morning. The
Beats teaching you thought
emotion comes from the stomach
(not the mind). You finally
understand why the way
to a man’s heart is through
his belly. You wish for his
presence. You pray to
God to feel the ocean’s
shell pried open and
bringing the warm
trade winds.

do you do
when you’re cold and
alone. You feel the imprint of God
on your eyelids
on your soft cheeks
and the down of
your blonde body.

do you do
when you’re cold
and alone. You remember quietly
faith holding your hips and coveting
your worship. You breathe deeply
into your hair, the hot dust from the wall heater
the fresh clean of your pink sweatshirt. You
close your eyes
watch your breath. You calm
your little human body. You drift
dream, the heater spending
your long hours of work
all, night, long and
you leave it on.
You sleep.

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